The Sacrament

Ministers

Unlike all the other Sacraments, the ministers of Holy Matrimony, or Christian Marriage, are the people who receive it; that is, the bride and bridegroom.  It is, of course, first necessary that they should have been baptised.  Where a priest may be had, the couple should be married before a priest in order to receive the Church’s blessing and to obey the Church’s marriage rule.

Matter

The matter of the Sacrament consists of the words and signs by which the bride and bridegroom take one another as husband and wife.  So in the Church of England, if John and Mary are getting married, John takes Mary’s right hand in his and says:

“I, (John), take you, (Mary),
to be my wife,
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part;
according to God's holy law. 
In the presence of God I make this vow”. 

The bride then takes the bridegroom’s right hand in hers and takes the same vow, beginning, “I, (Mary), take you, (John), to be my husband…”. (1)

The rest of the matter is the giving and receiving of the wedding ring (or rings if the bridegroom also receives one).

Form

The form is the couple’s inward consent or agreement to become husband and wife which is outwardly expressed by the matter.

After the ring(s) has/have been given and received, the priest speaks to the people.  You will notice that mention is made of the ministers of the Sacrament (the bride and bridegroom), the form (the consent of the couple), and the matter (the vows and signs):

“In the presence of God, and before this congregation,
(John) and (Mary) have given their consent
and made their marriage vows to each other. 
They have declared their marriage by the joining of hands
and by the giving and receiving of rings. 
I therefore proclaim that they are husband and wife”. (2)

The priest then joins their right hands together and says:

“Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder”. (3)

Inward grace

The inward grace of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is the grace to help the husband and wife to make their home a Christian home.

The wedding ring is put upon the fourth finger of the bride’s left hand. St Isidore, who became Bishop of Seville in the year 600 AD, speaks of the 'ring that is given by the bridegroom to the bride, both as a sign of mutual fidelity, and even more, to unite their hearts by this pledge; and therefore the ring is placed on the fourth finger because there is said to be a certain vein that flows thence to the heart'. (4) This is not actually so, but the idea behind it is true – that the ring is a sign of love and commitment.

Nuptial Mass

When the Eucharist is celebrated immediately afterwards, it is known as a Nuptial Mass.  At the end of the Prayer Book Marriage Service there is this rubric or note: “It is convenient (fitting) that the new-married persons should receive the holy Communion at the time of their Marriage, or at the first opportunity after their Marriage”. (5)

Purpose of Marriage

The first purpose of Holy Matrimony is what the Prayer Book calls “the procreation of children”, (6) that is, the husband and wife cooperate with God in the loving creation of children – new human beings.  The union of husband and wife is also compared with the union of Christ and his Holy Church:

“Marriage is a gift of God in creation
through which husband and wife may know the grace of God. 
It is given
that as man and woman grow together in love and trust,
they shall be united with one another in heart, body and mind,
as Christ is united with his bride, the Church”. (7)

Indissolubility of Marriage

Both the bride and bridegroom promise and vow before God himself to take one another for life – “till death us do part”.  In other words, once they become husband and wife they remain husband and wife all the time they are alive.  Once a marriage is made, it can never be undone.  This is called the indissolubility of marriage.  So Our Lord said, “…from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female’.  For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  So they are no longer two, but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (see NRSV, Mark 10:2-12).

And St Paul repeats this: “To the married I give this command – not I but the Lord – that the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does separate, let her remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife” (NRSV, 1 Corinthians 7:10,11).

Thus the relationship between a husband and wife is as lasting and as permanent as between a brother and sister.  Whether they get on well together or whether they do not, a brother and sister can never cease to be brother and sister.  So in the Prayer Book Marriage Service we are reminded how St Paul says that the relationship between husband and wife is as lasting as that between Christ and his Church.  This is reflected in the Common Worship Service in the Preface, quoted above in ‘Purposes of Marriage’.

There is, therefore, no question whether a marriage ought to be undone, it cannot be undone.  And every man and woman who are married in church, by taking the Church’s marriage vows, publicly admit that they agree with that:

“..till death us do part;
according to God's holy law”. (7)

We shall see more clearly if we look at three reasons which people put forward in order to make out that a marriage ought to be undone.  You will notice that each reason is already answered by the marriage vows.

People say that love makes a marriage and so, if a husband and wife no longer love each other, then they ought not to be tied to one another.  Of course, love does not make a marriage, although it helps to make a happy marriage.  If love made a marriage, then people would be married before they put their banns up.  But, apart from that, it is not that they ought not to be tied to one another for life, but that they are tied.  And this was covered by the marriage vow by which they took each other “for better, for worse,… till death us do part…”.

Again, if a man is sent to prison to serve a long sentence, people will say, “Why should his wife be tied to him?”  Once again, it is not, “Why should she be tied?” but that “She is tied”.  And this was also covered by the marriage vow, “for better, for worse, … till death us do part…”.

Thirdly, if a woman with a mental illness requires long-term hospital care, people will say, “Why should her husband be tied to her?”  Once again it is not “Why should he be tied?” but that he is tied.  And this too is covered by the marriage vow, “in sickness and in health… till death us do part…”.  And sickness includes mental illness, that is, illness of the mind.

Thus, once a man and a woman become husband and wife, they are husband and wife “till death us do part”, and they publicly accept that before God and the congregation at the time of their marriage.

You can see that the decision to get married is very big, requiring time and much thought and prayer:

“No one should enter into it lightly or selfishly
but reverently and responsibly in the sight of almighty God”. (8)

SUMMARY

1. In the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, the ministers are the bride and bridegroom, the form is their consent to be husband and wife, the matter is the vows and signs, and the inward grace is the grace to make a Christian home together.

2. Once a man and a woman become husband and wife, they remain husband and wife “till death us do part”.  No marriage can be undone; that is to say, marriage is an indissoluble relationship.

2. The decision to get married is very big, requiring time and much thought and prayer. 

References

1. ©The Archbishops’ Council (2000) Common Worship.  The Marriage Service.  Available from:
http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/marriage/marriage.html  (Accessed 25 August 2010) (Internet).

2. ©The Archbishops’ Council (2000) Common Worship.  The Marriage Service.  Available from:
http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/marriage/marriage.html  (Accessed 25 August 2010) (Internet).

3. ©The Archbishops’ Council (2000) Common Worship.  The Marriage Service.  Available from:
http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/marriage/marriage.html  (Accessed 25 August 2010) (Internet).

4. St Isidore of Seville (560- 636 AD) De Eccles, Off. ii,20, cited in Stenhouse, P. (1998) Why do Catholics exchange rings during the Nuptial Mass?  Available from: http://jloughnan.tripod.com/whyrings.htm (Accessed 25 November 2012) (Internet).

5. Church of England (1662) Book of Common Prayer.  The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony.  Available from:
http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/bcp/texts/21-the-form-of-solemnization-of-matrimony.html  (Accessed 25 August 2010) (Internet).

6. Church of England (1662) Book of Common Prayer.  The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony.  Available from:
http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/bcp/texts/21-the-form-of-solemnization-of-matrimony.html  (Accessed 25 August 2010) (Internet).

7. ©The Archbishops’ Council (2000) Common Worship.  The Marriage Service.  Available from:
http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/marriage/marriage.html  (Accessed 25 August 2010) (Internet).

8. ©The Archbishops’ Council (2000) Common Worship.  The Marriage Service.  Available from:
http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/marriage/marriage.html  (Accessed 25 August 2010) (Internet).