Indissolubility of Marriage

Both the bride and bridegroom promise and vow before God himself to take one another for life – “till death us do part”.  In other words, once they become husband and wife they remain husband and wife all the time they are alive.  Once a marriage is made, it can never be undone.  This is called the indissolubility of marriage.  So Our Lord said, “…from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female’.  For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  So they are no longer two, but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (see NRSV, Mark 10:2-12).

And St Paul repeats this: “To the married I give this command – not I but the Lord – that the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does separate, let her remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife” (NRSV, 1 Corinthians 7:10,11).

Thus the relationship between a husband and wife is as lasting and as permanent as between a brother and sister.  Whether they get on well together or whether they do not, a brother and sister can never cease to be brother and sister.  So in the Prayer Book Marriage Service we are reminded how St Paul says that the relationship between husband and wife is as lasting as that between Christ and his Church.  This is reflected in the Common Worship Service in the Preface, quoted above in ‘Purposes of Marriage’.

There is, therefore, no question whether a marriage ought to be undone, it cannot be undone.  And every man and woman who are married in church, by taking the Church’s marriage vows, publicly admit that they agree with that:

“..till death us do part;
according to God's holy law”. (7)

We shall see more clearly if we look at three reasons which people put forward in order to make out that a marriage ought to be undone.  You will notice that each reason is already answered by the marriage vows.

People say that love makes a marriage and so, if a husband and wife no longer love each other, then they ought not to be tied to one another.  Of course, love does not make a marriage, although it helps to make a happy marriage.  If love made a marriage, then people would be married before they put their banns up.  But, apart from that, it is not that they ought not to be tied to one another for life, but that they are tied.  And this was covered by the marriage vow by which they took each other “for better, for worse,… till death us do part…”.

Again, if a man is sent to prison to serve a long sentence, people will say, “Why should his wife be tied to him?”  Once again, it is not, “Why should she be tied?” but that “She is tied”.  And this was also covered by the marriage vow, “for better, for worse, … till death us do part…”.

Thirdly, if a woman with a mental illness requires long-term hospital care, people will say, “Why should her husband be tied to her?”  Once again it is not “Why should he be tied?” but that he is tied.  And this too is covered by the marriage vow, “in sickness and in health… till death us do part…”.  And sickness includes mental illness, that is, illness of the mind.

Thus, once a man and a woman become husband and wife, they are husband and wife “till death us do part”, and they publicly accept that before God and the congregation at the time of their marriage.

You can see that the decision to get married is very big, requiring time and much thought and prayer:

“No one should enter into it lightly or selfishly
but reverently and responsibly in the sight of almighty God”. (8)